The Inner Critic 

Just as my head starts to pop up out of this drowning pool. I hold my breath, still afraid of what might come to the surface. Better to stay in my ocean of worry. It’s safer down there where the water spilling out of my eyes goes unseen. Voices in my head saying, “Better not show yourself yet. You’re not perfect, far from it in fact. Not the best in the room? Hell, you must be awful”. Does this sound familiar?

The “inner perfectionist, the inner critic”, is something many of us, if not all of us, struggle with at some point in our lives. I have found that combining Yoga and working with the Creative process has helped me become more aware of these thoughts and feelings. Through my experience of opening my body in my Yoga practice and surrendering to the feelings that arise, I have started to see a profound shift. The creative process is another great way to explore this and become more open, which is why I have started combining the two in my practice and teaching. 

Creative Expression 

I often needed to be woken up by external forces to express myself fully with the permission of others or a trigger that was too heavy to bear. Feelings would often swirl around in my stomach, but I dared not live fully, often distracting myself with constant movement and pointless procrastination. In worse cases, this even resulted in a long battle with addiction.

Nervousness 

A nervousness in my heart often caused a weighty heaviness behind my eyes as I held on to my face for dear life. I dared not reveal this unpredictable, uncontrollable being at times. I feared that I was stupid or simply hated by those around me. When I would speak, they would laugh or dumb me down. It must be something I’m putting out there, energetically, perhaps? I would constantly ask these questions. Always believing it was my issue, not theirs. An irrational fear? But then how do we know what others are really thinking? These voices have often consumed me. However, I have found more freedom and self-acceptance by doing the work.

Lies Told In Schools

While growing up, many of us took on the opinions of others. Opinions, NOT facts that were not necessarily correct or helpful. They certainly did not inspire growth or generate confidence. Unfortunately, this is very common in the education system and in society as a whole. We are constantly told we are wrong, told to expect more from ourselves. This often feeds our inner perfectionist until it becomes a prominent part of our being, deeply engrained in our psyche.

I vividly remember one parent’s evening in particular. My mum came home furious because my teacher told her I was a closed book. A little mouse. Shy and aloof with nothing inside. That couldn’t have been a bigger lie. I just hated School. I felt sick all day long with social anxiety.

I stood alone every play time, deep in a daydream by the tall grey playground fence. It felt like a prison. Silently I would watch the other kids play, waiting for someone to ask me to join in. For fear of rejection I dared not move from my safe loneliness. It might not have shown on the outside, but I was so full inside. Numb with hurt, love and insecurity. A deep passion for life trapped in the cage of my overprotective body. This is how I often felt creatively. Locked inside my sweet body. Through movement and speaking my truth, I have managed to start to break free from my inner perfectionist, she no longer consumes me as much as she used to, but like anything, this is a lifelong journey rather than an overnight fix. It really does take prolonged courage, vulnerability, self love and self acceptance in order to experience a real breakthrough.

Productive Not Perfect

I have always been creative but not in a necessarily productive way. The kind of creativity rides the waves while fearing the currents that pull me into the unknown. The unknown excites me but terrifies me deeply. My inner critic has held me back more times than I can count. However, it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a way to overcome the inner voice that tries to keep us safe yet holds us back from reaching our true potential. By overcoming fear and diving deep into the unknown, magic happens. As we become more authentic, we learn to be more compassionate towards others and ourselves.

“Listen to your own heart and soul, there you will find some answers”.

Freedom In Spirituality 

 This is not a factual piece of writing but a desire to share my thoughts and feelings to start an open conversation on the subject of freedom in spirituality. I have not read every spiritual book, and nor do I understand every point of view. Therefore I have decided to embark on a journey to understand what is already speaking to my ‘Mind, Body and Soul’ at this moment in my journey. 

Lost In The City 

The largest, most westernised cities seem to be more lost. We are consumed by consumerism and the shallow desires of the ego, not fully understanding why these needs often take over. It’s the endless need for man to control that keeps people from waking up to their true potential and freedom go inwards. We develop addictions and habitual behavioural patterns, to handle our complex feelings and human desires, none of which we fully understand. Every human emotion is beautiful but to reach our potential we have to dig deep and be open to new discoveries, waiting to be unlocked, with a key we keep safely stored in our hearts. Once we understand what’s keeping us asleep, we can wake to the true beauty in the universe.

The most spiritual and beautiful places in the world where the space is enlightened, high up in the mountains, by the ocean or in the depths of nature, there it is, the place you feel most connected to your soul. It’s a place on earth that is ready to become conscious, if not already conscious or having lost its purity. Why is it that people are left to struggle and live a life of restriction, when life could be so much more?

That Which Floats Amongst The Stars 

I truly believe that what is really there is welcoming and accepting to all of those who wake, and we don’t go there physically but energetically. A purely energetical place, vast and never ending, forever expanding, nurturing all the senses in perfect harmony. That which floats amongst the stars, accepting and welcoming to every being who wakes, buzzing at the perfect frequency, in complete alignment with our individual and collective bliss. That place where we can float and dance to the music within our hearts and souls.  If we let go of that logic and surrender to what’s within, maybe we can start to and discover something that we otherwise made invisible.

That Enlightened Space 

 There’s a beautiful place to find within us and all around us. We can visit anytime we truly desire, but we can only go there fully when we have completed our journey of self-discovery and enlightenment. Achieved when open to new discoveries, letting the path unfold with a pure desire to see and feel the true beauty in simplicity.

 That space that is free from preconceptions and judgements passed on from previous generations. These beliefs must not be dismissed as they may or may not be truths of this time, but of a time in space where a someone woke up to tell their story. Then we tamper and change the words over time, and as a result we are left forever wondering.

We can close our eyes and still see the moon the stars and the ocean that in itself should give us some form of spiritual freedom.

Are We ALL Spiritual Beings?

 Are we all healers, musicians and spiritual beings, on the road to discovering our true form. Brought here to learn empathy and understanding of all beings, so that we can go back to the light which we came from. Only to do it all over again but better every time, ultimately rising us to that conscious enlightened space we truly desire, moving us in circles, in our search for truth. 

Maybe we are all spiritual beings with our own religion, that which resonates with our own heart and soul. Maybe we are primarily is the same but the frequency of which we belong is always ever so slightly different for every one of us.  We are blindly searching sensorially for that of which gives our life meaning individually and collectively? Searching in darkness to find that perfect balance that is true to our soul.

 Are we forever growing and expanding our mind, in preparation to reach that internal and external space, that eventually takes us to a special harmonic place? A certain level of understanding can start to awaken inside us when we listen to our heart and mind in perfect unison. Letting go of the fear that weighs us down and prevents us from growing faster.  

Everything Moves In Waves 

 Everything seems to be moving in circles, every time the same but ever so slightly different. Ever changing, like the moon and the tides, always the same but different. Sometimes the ocean is flat and sometimes it moves in waves. We also move differently, vibrating at our own individual frequency.  What better gift than to learn to embrace that. Embrace whats truly there under the surface letting it flow through you. This is not a journey of denial and suppression but quite the opposite isn’t it?

We walk the earth making strange encounters with people that we don’t understand, each one teaching us something we have not yet understood. While on this exciting journey to true self knowledge, we are scared to go deeper and truly understand this mystery, for fear of our death being the end, or even worse, for fear of living. 

Everything is relative and new things are always waiting to be discovered, only to be undiscovered again with a new discovery and this circle is forever unfolding. And theres that which is ever changing, yet its roots are always the same. 

Awakening

Why are we still sleeping when we know that life is more what we perceive? When we wake up to the vastness of the universe and to spirituality, such spirituality has to be on a different vibration than this endless book of rules and political divisions between people. Divisions that are causing unnecessary destruction to humanity and to our planet. Keeping consciousness at bay because of a deep desire to control.

 Questions could be never ending, but what is alive in all of us is that perfect balance of bliss which can be discovered briefly for a moment but takes generations to truly understand. If we do not reach that in this lifetime then maybe we travel back through the light and land in another body, that of which we except for all its so called flaws and gifts to take with us on another wonderful rollercoaster of a journey and adventure, that which is the gift of life.

Oneness

‘As everyone’s perception differs, there are many gaps in our universal understanding. I try to see the truth in every belief, as if it’s a truth to many, who are we to deny that? We are nobody and everybody, without having all of the answers. The basic universal teachings are not short of beautiful, passed on for generations, engrained in our psyche, holding a special place in the hearts and souls of believers. That to me, makes them all of value and truth, if only to give some meaning to those who believe in them. I respect everyone’s right to their belief and faith, but I’m convinced that what’s really there is so much more.’  Bridges built between humanity are only holding us back from reaching our true potential.    

 Listen to your own heart and soul, really listen, there you will find some answers. 

Love From Jeneva

Learning to Surrender  

Learning to surrender to what I feel within, while surrendering to something larger than myself has been one of the most challenging lessons so far. How freeing it must feel to no longer need to ask, “ Am I a good person? Am I loveable?

Practice Without Denying Our Humanity

I’ve come to realise it’s not about denying our humanity, but embracing it with our feet placed firmly on the ground, while open to new learnings and discoveries. Lessons learned from the inside out. I believe this is one of the most essential aspects of our inner journey towards compassion and awareness. 

My Inner Perfectionist 

When I first started on my teaching journey, I was overwhelmed by guilt while believing I had to reach perfection. Being extremely sensitive I struggled with addictions in order to suppress what I was feeling, guiding me towards denial and turmoil. This although much more destructive, has some similarities to the Yogic practices that encourage us to suppress many of our human emotions. My inner perfectionist was often not my friend, leaving me feel unworthy of love and incapable of achieving my goals, always claiming “I’m not Ready Yet”. However like most things we learn on the job, so it was essential to take the leap through fear into the unknown in order to grow. 

Letting Feelings Flow As We Flow Through Asana

I have reached a place now where I am able to surrender to feelings in a way that don’t overwhelm and destruct, but guide me towards more openness and understanding. Every human emotion is beautiful and we must not deny ourselves, but be open to learn and discover through experience, learning through ourselves and from others in order to grow. 

When I practice, Yoga Asana, Pranayama and Meditation, I let the feelings flow while I ask my body and my higher self questions, not expecting all of the answers straight away, but practicing with patience and authenticity. 

Overcoming Suppression 

As we become adults we often supress our own intuition, whether we end up in survival mode or conform to societies demands. This can leave us hollow and unfulfilled, never feeling good enough. Self-acceptance is a key ingredient towards growth. 

Emotional and Physical Body Connection 

Our emotional and physical body are connected from our roots to our crown and through Yoga we can become more in touch and aware of our bodies. If we focus on our breath while practicing our Asana, we can start to surrender to the present moment and really listen to our bodies, scanning for sensations and becoming more at ease with our feelings, whether we consider them good or bad, we learn to embrace them as part of us, leading us closer to a state of wholeness, acceptance and fulfilment.

Questions For The Body

 Perhaps we have physical restrictions we may want to worth through first, enabling us to dig deeper.  We can ask ourselves, Where do I feel love? For example. Or where in my body do I hold stress? If you hold stress in your shoulders, most likely they will feel tight or ache. Once we learn to listen to our bodies, we can develop an Asana practice that serves us in the most nurturing way possible.